


LIHIM

by katlina_clara



Series: LIHIM [1]
Category: Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral (2018), Heneral Luna (2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-18 23:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16128572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katlina_clara/pseuds/katlina_clara
Summary: (LIHIM is part 1/? of the Jovente Lihim Series.)Joven, upon discovering Vicente's secret, decides to abruptly leave him. Vicente tries to chase him, but knows Joven deserves so much more than this. Filled with hurt, pain, guilt, and shame, Lihim is one whole hell of an angst piece all for Jovente shippers out there.





	LIHIM

**Author's Note:**

> Henlo ~ Kating is back with angst and now targetting Jovente !!! Hahahaha. Hindi pa to tapos siyempre. May mga susunod pa, and hindi lahat angst yay!!! Will probably update kapag wala akong ginagawa and/or wala akong gana magcommit sa prior responsibilities ko HAHAHA luv u all

"Joven! Joven!", he said as he chased him outside of the house. He didn't mean to hurt him, but he knew he already would ever since he knew who Joven truly was. He never wanted to hurt him, no. All he ever wanted to do was love him. All he ever wanted was to get out of this war and be with him for the rest of his life.

But  in love, one must never lie. One must always remember that the other always has the right to know. One must always tell the truth even if it costs the love itself.

He chased him. He chased him because he wanted to comfort him so bad and apologize as much as Joven wanted to hear it from him. He chased him because he wanted to be forgiven. He chased him because he loved him. But still, Joven wanted to run as far as he can from him.

"Layuan mo na ako! Sinungaling ka, Vicente! Sinungaling ka!"

The sound of his voice pierced through his ears, inside his head, down to his heart, and electrocuted his soul. He felt his body freeze as he watched Joven in tears of anger, and of hatred.

He hates him. Joven hates him. Suddenly all of the regret ran through his bloodstream, and made him breakdown in tears. "Joven...", he sobbed. "Pasensya na. Pasensya na."

He has never cried like this in his entire life. The last time he cried badly was when he was around six or seven, when he fell off a tree and hurt himself, bruises and wounds all over his hands and his legs. From then on, he promised he'll be brave and never cry again. He promised himself that one day, he'll be a very brave man.

But right now, he felt the most cowardly, not by crying, but by hurting the love of his life. He is brave as Colonel Vicente Enriquez, but not as the lover Enteng—not as Joven's lover, Enteng.

His tears continued to flow nonstop from his eyes. _Kasalanan mo 'to. Pangatawanan mo._ He then felt Joven storming toward him with his feet stomping on the dry soil of the camp.

"Pasensya? Pasensya, Enteng? Pasensya lang?! Nagsinungaling ka sa akin, pasensya lang?!", Joven replied as he pushed Vicente. "Ano? Ano ha? Akala ko ba matapang ka?! Akala ko ba hindi mo ako ipapahamak?!"

He tried to calm Joven down with his touch, but he was too weak against the anger-fueled latter. His tears only made a river over his face, seeing Joven so filled with hurt and pain. Is he really a bad man now? He must be, for hurting someone so beautiful as Joven.

Joven had a real struggle getting close, for all of the reasons he couldn't trust him. So when the young man opened up to him, it was truly a blessing. A true miracle of the heavens.

But now, he hurt him. He hurt him really, really bad. No words can even contain how terrible Joven feels knowing his secrets. He knew "Pasensiya na" wasn't ever enough, but that's all that he could say at the moment.

"Akala ko ba mahal mo ako?", Joven softly added, before quietly breaking down. "Bakit naman sa lahat ng maari mong gawing pananakit, at pagsisinungaling ito pa?"

Vicente, only stood there, crying all of his regret out. He couldn't say a word nor could he even look at him anymore. He felt all the shame on his skin. But maybe God can forgive him, right? Maybe God can forgive him for Joven?

"Sana pinagpalit mo na lang ako sa iba. Sana nambabae ka na lamang din. Matatanggap ko pa. Mapapatawad pa kita. Pero hindi, Enteng."

"Joven—"

"Hindi. Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit ako napariwara. Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit puno ako ng takot, ng pangamba, at ng galit. Ikaw, Enteng. Ikaw!"

"Pasensya—"

"Binigay ko ang tiwala ko sa'yo dahil inakala kong 'di ka tulad ng Heneral at ng kaniyang kapatid. Ngunit pare-parehas lamang pala kayo!"

He cried more now than ever. All the words that came out of Joven struck and banged on his chest, like canon balls bombarding the trenches. He would rather get a bullet through his head than this. At least if he does now, all the pain will be gone in less than an hour. But this? This will torture him for the rest of his life.

Oh, how he wished he could just replace Joven's Kuya Manuel right now. That probably would have been better than seeing his Jovenito swamped with the pain he caused him.  
  
He would've wanted to defend himself, but he knew he was in the wrong. He always had been, except maybe loving Joven. He always had loved Joven. And Joven always had as well. It was a quick turn of events for the two to fall in love, but they knew it was such a beautiful thing to have.

Maybe, until he sat with Joven earlier that night and confessed all of his sins. Maybe, until Joven froze in disbelief, and fell coldly silent. Maybe, until he tried to hold his hand and apologize but got shoved away. Maybe, until Joven took his things, and decided to leave him.

Maybe, until Joven discovered that in his hands, perished the life of his friends, the Bernal brothers, and his life ruined forever.

Oh, but he loved Joven with all of his heart. He never thought love could feel so safe, and so peaceful. He only thought it was full of passion and action. That was what he learned all his life. Joven gave him a home—a shelter for his heart to rest in when he fears, he weeps, or celebrates.

But after what he has done, his heart is homeless yet again. His heart weeps at Joven's door, begging for him to be let in again. He keeps knocking and knocking, but only quietly, for he knows he doesn't deserve it. But he still tries.

"H-hindi ko naman ginusto 'yon, Mahal.", he attempted to say it softly, hoping that Joven hears his plea to take him back. "Sinunod ko lamang ang utos sa akin."

"At isa kang hangal! Sumusunod sa utos ng isang idolong bulag!"

"Alam ko!" His voice cracked. He raised his voice not due to the amount of hate he hears from Joven, but due to the amount of hate he has for himself.

"Alam ko, Joven. Alam ko. Alam ko rin noon pa, nang makilala kita, na hindi ako karapat-dapat sa'yo. Ngunit pinagpatuloy kong suyuin ka dahil mahal kita at hindi ko kinayang mawala ka sa buhay ko. Baka sakaling patawarin ako ng Maykapal kung maipaparamdam ko sa'yong mahal kita. Naramdaman mo naman 'yon hindi ba?" He looked straight into Joven's eyes with plea who only coldly stared at him. _Pakiusap, mahal, patawarin mo na ako._

"Napakamakasarili mo, Vicente. Napakamakasarili mo! Sana isinama niyo na lamang ako sa kanila." Joven broke down again and looked at him with despair.

"Mahal kita, Enteng. Ngunit hindi ko na kayang isipin na hinahalikan ko ang taong nagdala sa akin ng matinding sakit at kalungkutan."

He tried to hold Joven's hand, with hope that he can change his mind. But Joven only turned down the offer, and turned around. _Pasensiya ka na. Mahal na mahal kita._ He took a deep breath and let Joven move along.

He wished he could kiss him, at least one last time, or wrap him around his arms to warm the coldness of his words. But he knew he couldn't. This was his fault, and he knew should be brave enough to accept it, even if it means losing the love of his life. He knew Joven never deserved this.

He tried to wipe the stream of tears off of his face. He tried to beam a smile even though Joven can't see him. He tried to sound as caring as possible. He wanted to let Joven know he loves him enough to let him go.

"Mahal din kita, Joven. Mahal na mahal. Pasensya ka na't naging makasarili ako sa'yo. Alam kong hindi sapat ang mga salita upang mapatawad mo ako. Ngunit nais ko lamang na malaman mong pinagsisisihan ko lahat ito. Gawin mo ang pag-alis kung ito talaga ang iyong nais. Huwag mo lamang sana kalimutang nagmahalan tayo, at iyon ay totoo't walang bahid ng kasinungalingan. Pasensiya na muli. Nawa'y gabayan ka ng poong maykapal sa iyong paglalakbay at bigyan niyang hustisya ang mga pasakit na iyong dinadala, lalung lalo na ang aking mga ibinigay sa'yo. Mag-iingat ka palagi, mahal ko."

With no word, Joven walked away. Vicente felt all of the strings that connect them snap one by one. He wished he could have done better, but knew he didn't. With a heavy heart, he went back inside, silently and slowly. He knew this would happen, but he never expected it to explode like this.

He head straight to his sleeping quarter, ignoring everything and everyone else, including Julian, who asked him who he was in a fight with outside, and where Joven is. He took his uniform off, and laid quietly on his bed.

He prayed to God silently for Joven's healing, and his, and the end of this war. He didn't pray for his forgiveness. Not yet. He knew he had no right to be, until he had proven himself worthy of it.

He closed his eyes, and decided to sleep. He wished he could wake up tomorrow, and that that night was only a nightmare.

 

_***END***_

**Author's Note:**

> ~* charaaan *~ 
> 
> Abangan ang susunod na kabanata! uwu


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